2020, huh? In my 37 years of unusual existence, this marks the second Christmas ever I didn’t spend with my family. The first time was in 2018, when I knew Nico was dying, and I wanted to spend one last holiday with her and didn’t want to fly to my parents’ new home in California.
This year the pandemic has proven to be hard for everybody, but my mom is super worried about contracting COVID-19. Of course, I don’t blame her: both her and my dad are in their mid to late 70’s, and the last thing I want is to see them get sick or (god forbid) die anytime soon. California is in pretty bad shape now, with 1 in 80 people in the LA area testing positive for COVID-19. Since the viral breakout in the spring, my family have quarantined themselves inside their house. However, when they do venture outside for necessities, they literally wear gloves and a secondary mask over their masks, and when they return home, they douse themselves with disinfectant spray. As vigilant as she is, my mom understands that I’ll be on a plane for 6-7 hours and doesn’t want to risk me getting the virus there or in California. Personally, I’m not as overly cautious as my mom (or even some of my friends), but I get it; if I can minimize the chances down to zero, we can all make sacrifices. My family and I are perfectly satisfied celebrating Christmas virtually, and because of FaceTime and my parents using it to call me everyday, we won’t feel so distant on the holidays.
Yeah, I’m spending Christmas physically alone, and I don’t mind. My parents are in California, nearly all of my New York friends are visiting their families across the country (there’s definitely a sense of COVID-fatigue), and Brooklyn always feels so fucking empty during this time (more so than usual). I recall in 2018, watching Nico slowly die and dog-sitting a bunch of my friends’ dogs as they visited their own families, there was a sense of sadness and loneliness; I did feel alone. I witnessed something I love fade away, in a city devoid of its usual vibrancy because all the other transplants had to see their families.
Now, in 2020, being alone and isolated is the norm, and I feel a lot of us have adapted to such conditions. It isn’t so bad or miserable — mainly because, instead of expecting the inevitability of loss I did with Nico’s last few months and convalescing her as the cancer ravaged on, I now have Dusty by my side. I’m able to focus on this puppy, on personal projects, and hone my skills and talents; Dusty, as far as I can tell, has so much time, and thus I have so much time myself.
This Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I’m ordering a pizza, baking some cookies (using my early, Black Friday present from my parents: a Kitchen-Aid mixer), watching Netflix and classic Simpsons, and giving Dusty some new chew toys and treats. I’ll FaceTime with my parents and probably use Scener to watch Wonder Woman 1984 with my brother. I’m going to make a steak dinner on Christmas Day, as well as bake some chive rolls from Bon Appetit. Maybe I’ll coerce my friends who are out-of-state to play Among Us. And finally, I’ll use the rest of my winter vacation taking photographs and editing some videos from old vacations — just simply catching up on forgotten work.
It’s going to be a very good, a very productive, and a very therapeutic Christmas.
Here’s a song from The Both (Ted Leo and Aimee Mann) that perfectly encapsulates my mood, but don’t get me wrong, I feel great.