Phillip Retuta's Blog

The Life and Times of a Filipino-American

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COVID-19 and Racism.

My usual walking route to the subway.

Currently, in New York, it’s been Day 12 since self-quarantining. My fears about the economy are definitely becoming a reality, but I want to write about another thing that’s been bothering me regarding this whole situation: racism towards Asians.

Before the unprecedented lockdown of the city that never sleeps, news coming from “a disease from Wuhan” never really fazed any New Yorker. The average person here never considered the virus coming to New York. However, when COVID-19 hit New Rochelle outside NYC, the fear and paranoia started afflicting the average ignorant asshole.

I read many articles and saw a handful videos of a New Yorker verbally assaulting, punching, and even spraying Asians — and not just Chinese — on the subways and on the streets. Even if you look Asian, you’re a potential target to dumbfucks. Even most New Yorkers avoided Flushing and Chinatown in fear of contracting the virus — despite the fact that, at the time, no Asian-American in NYC was confirmed with the virus. Ignorance and prejudice, it seems, had inflicted one of the most socially and culturally progressive cities in America.

As an Asian-American, I had an encounter with such (albeit mild) racism.

I remember walking to the subway to work from my apartment, just as news of COVID-19 had reached the US. Minding my own business, I noticed a guy — your typical hipster millennial — walking towards me. A few feet before we crossed paths, he decides to put his shirt over his mouth and nose. I took a shower and I wasn’t smoking, so what was the problem? Before he approached, I noticed him turn the corner from a busy Franklin Avenue (pedestrians all just walking to the subway), and he didn’t do that to anybody who was white or black.

I stared him down hard as we passed, his nose still shielded by his shirt, and he looked away.

I was talking to my friend Alex about this long before the lockdown, and she’s also Asian. Alex is currently pregnant, so her immune system is down and she had developed a scratchy throat. When she went to work, she was afraid to even let out a little cough on the subway for fear that people would accuse her of having COVID-19. She kept in her purse a bag of cough drops, just in case — just to avoid the ignorant stares or being confronted.

I can’t stand the ignorance of people — and it doesn’t help when our president calls it “the China virus.” I really expected so much more from my fellow New Yorkers, to be better educated and well-informed and more open-minded. Sure, not everyone in this city is the fuckface who shields his face around Asians or sprays a guy on the subway or punches an Asian woman on a busy street — but they sadly still exist here.

The state of this world and society as whole depresses the hell out of me, but when there’s pockets of hate and ignorance in a city I feel generally safe in, it makes me even more bummed out.

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COVID-19.

Via Brett. Me Facetiming Gino while Brett picks up some medical masks from me.

Today’s the second day of working from home/self-quarantining because of the COVID-19 Virus (I hate using the general term, coronavirus; MANY viruses are coronaviruses).

With the onset of the virus affecting the US a few weeks ago, I had two initial fears: my elderly, medically-fragile parents contracting it and me spreading the virus to other people. It’s my nature to never harm a person (emotionally or physically), and I care too much about people over my own well-being. If I got COVID-19 — and sure, I might recover or even fall gravely ill with my medical history — my greatest fear is to give it to someone else, and their condition worsens to the point of hospitalization. Self-quarantining and isolation has never been a problem for me, because it’s also been my nature as an introverted artist/designer to find the greatest comfort in being by myself.

Now with New York virtually shut down, I’ve developed a third fear: economic hardship and collapse of others. I’m so fortunate to be able to work from home, maintain a salary (albeit not so much as some of my fellow designers and art directors), and health insurance, but I have friends who aren’t so lucky. Talking to some of my friends who are bartenders, baristas, restaurant workers, movie theater operators, and hairstylists — they are now left unemployed and without benefits for God knows how fucking long.

I worry about those who have small businesses, those who solely rely on tips, those who are an integral part of the service industry, the immigrant worker who has a cart or small restaurant, those who don’t have a salary — what will become of them during this time? How will they pay rent, especially in such a shitty-expensive city like New York? How will they buy groceries? How will they, God forbid, they get sick and need to go to the doctor? And let’s not forget about school kids who are now at home, whose parents are healthcare workers or live paycheck to paycheck in a job that requires them to be present. What happens to the kids who rely on a hot meal at school? Yes, public places and schools, should be closed, but what in the meantime and what of the future?

All of it is so fucking complicated and so fucked up.

What this virus has taught me is the huge social and economic disparity between the haves and the have-nots, those who can survive this financially and to those who struggle to live in this stupid city. It depresses the fuck out of me, and I want to do something about it. The day before all restaurants and cafes were closed, I tipped 200% to the acquaintances that work behind the counter. I’ve donated money to a few causes to help those who are now left without work. I definitely don’t have much and I struggle to maintain a life in New York too, but it pains me to see someone who’s in a worse situation.

We’ll get through this, physically. I’m fully aware of the precarious and dangerous situation of the immediate now, but my mindset has always been to be anxious of the future. I’m always thinking of the bigger picture, and right now the bigger picture looks very scary. People are going to be needing help once the curve of infection (and, yes, fatalities) eventually flattens, so do what you can to help your fellow human being to prepare for the future. Love one another, videochat with your family and friends and keep them sane and happy, donate to those who are struggling or will most likely going to struggle.

Oh, and wash your hands.

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Happy Birthday, Nico.

I’ve lived in New York for over a decade, and that entire time my dog Nico has been with me. She would have been 14 today.

Here’s my tribute to her and the city I love. After she had her tumor removed and was declared cancer-free, I knew we were still together on borrowed time. Throughout the course of her remaining year, I wanted to take Nico to some of her favorite spots: Williamsburg, Prospect Park, and all the old places she used to know for the 10 years we’ve been in New York. I also wanted to take her to places she’s never been before: Coney Island, Washington Square Park, etc. I’d bring my camera with me, and so this video was made.

The polaroid scenes were obviously taken post her passing; I truly wished we had more time to visit these places.

The significance of the white bandana is important: I gave it to her when she was first adopted in Urbana-Champaign, and she wore a white bandana when I let her go in arms, in the confines of my apartment in Brooklyn. A white bandana was Nico’s signature look (well, aside from the husky aspects or the heterochromatic eyes). I carried a spare each time we went out to shoot, just to swap whatever fashionable bandana I initially put on her with a white one. Consistency, folks!

This video also serves as my eventual love letter to New York. When I leave, I want to remember this city with the dog I loved so much. Being with Nico definitely helped shape who I am today.

Happy Birthday, Nico. Always and forever.

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Refik Anadol’s “Machine Hallucination” at Artechouse.

I went to Artechouse at Chelsea Market with Alex the other day, where Turkish digital artist Refik Anandol had a projection/data visualization exhibition called “Machine Hallucination.”

Nearly the entire boiler room underneath Chelsea Market was illuminated by several 16K laser projectors, displaying a dataviz algorithm-driven video made up of 100 million social media photos of New York City — essentially, “Machine Hallucination” is an abstract movie made of shapes and colors derived from what users post about New York. I loved the concept, and it could have easily been one of my class’ thesis projects (if they had a ton of money, that is).

Although the visuals of the video and the idea were very cool, the overall experience was a little underwhelming: one entire side (the entrance down to the boiler room) had no projections whatsoever, and the pillars and sharp corners of the room didn’t make the projections as seamless as they could be. It didn’t feel as immersive as I had hoped it would be. In my opinion, if they somehow curved each of the room’s corners (including the floor), the overall projection — and thus experience — would have been more exciting. Edges are just so restricting.

The fact that I had to pay a $25 entrance fee also kind of hindered the fun.

Nonetheless, Artechouse was indeed worthy of being visited and photographed (the Instagramabilty of this place factors very high). The exhibition and Artechouse itself was hardly publicized, so it wasn’t too crowded. Would I recommend going to any of Artechouse’s future exhibitions? Sure, but make sure you’re comfortable paying that much.

Here are some of my photos:

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The Eighth Avenue Aches: WTF MTA?

Since January, I’ve collected data on my commute from my apartment in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn to my work in Columbus Circle, Manhattan: I log the time I leave my home, and I log the time when I enter the door to my office.

When I first moved to my new place in August 2017, I was amazed that it took 30 to 35 minutes to get to work; back at my old apartment in Crown Heights, it took almost an hour to get to Columbus Circle via the 2/3 express trains and transferring to the 1. Riding the A or C train from Bed-Stuy without transferring (and with the subway stations less than a 5-minute walk away), I was finally happy to see that my commute would now be much simpler.

Sometime during the winter, though, I noticed a combination of delayed arrivals and packed trains. If the A train arrived on time, all the subway cars would be so packed, passengers would have to wait for the next train (and in frequent cases, the train after that or even a fourth train). The C train — which runs locally — has a bad habit of arriving 10 minutes apart even during the morning rush hour (I find it acceptable to wait a maximum of 6 minutes for a train on a weekday morning, during the peak hours of 7:30 to 9:30).


It was during one January morning that it took me 2 hours (and transferring between 4 trains) to get to work that I decided to start documenting my commute times. As of writing this post, the express A train (in conjunction with delayed times and packed trains) has been running every 14 minutes during rush hour every morning. If I’m lucky to catch an arriving train, it still takes me almost an hour to get to work as opposed to 35 minutes. On the other hand, if I miss a train, I’m now waiting anywhere from 6 minutes to even 17 minutes for the next train to arrive. Just imagine that, as people who miss a train or simply can’t fit into a subway car, will have to wait for the next train for a long-ass time — only to have more people enter the station and clog up the waiting areas. The congestion that builds up in each of the stations has been unforgivable, and I can tell that my fellow passengers in Brooklyn are getting testy.

Here’s the data I’ve collected so far, bolded times were the typical commute for me back in the summer of 2017:

2018.01.10: 1 Hour, 53 Minutes — A to C to 2 to 1
2018.01.11: 55 Minutes — A
2018.01.12: 35 Minutes — A
2018.01.16: 55 Minutes — C
2018.01.17: 55 Minutes — A
2018.01.18: 53 Minutes — C to A
2018.01.22: 52 Minutes — A to F to B
2018.01.23: 1 Hour, 17 Minutes — A
2018.01.24: 34 Minutes — A
2018.01.25: 54 Minutes —  C
2018.01.26: 51 Minutes — C to A
2018.01.29: 55 Minutes — C
2018.01.31: 52 Minutes — A
2018.02.01: 56 Minutes — A
2018.02.02: 50 Minutes — C
2018.02.05: 51 Minutes — A
2018.02.06: 46 Minutes — A
2018.02.07: 58 Minutes — A
2018.02.08: 55 Minutes — C to A
2018.02.12: 56 Minutes — A
2018.02.13: 43 Minutes — A
2018.02.14: 44 Minutes — C
2018.02.15: 50 Minutes — A
2018.02.16: 44 Minutes — A
2018.02.20: 47 Minutes — A
2018.02.21: 43 Minutes — A
2018.02.22: 50 Minutes — A
2018.02.23: 55 Minutes — C
2018.02.26: 1 Hour, 2 Minutes — A
2018.02.27: 46 Minutes — A
2018.02.28: 52 Minutes — A
2018.03.01: 38 Minutes — A
2018.03.02: 50 Minutes — A
2018.03.05: 1 Hour — A
2018.03.06: 42 Minutes — A
2018.03.08: 47 Minutes — A
2018.03.09: 47 Minutes — C
2018.03.12: 50 Minutes — A
2018.03.13: 51 Minutes — A
2018.04.17: 59 Minutes — A
2018.04.18: 1 Hour, 20 Minutes — A
2018.04.19: 52 Minutes — C
2018.04.20: 39 Minutes — A
2018.04.23: 1 Hour, 2 Minutes — A
2018.04.24: 59 Minutes — A
2018.04.25: 54 Minutes — C
2018.04.26: 55 Minutes — A to C
2018.04.27: 32 Minutes — C
2018.04.30: 49 Minutes — A
2018.05.01: 59 Minutes — A
2018.05.02: 27 Minutes — C
2018.05.03: 40 Minutes — A
2018.05.04: 30 Minutes — A
2018.05.07: 53 Minutes — A
2018.05.08: 47 Minutes — A
2018.05.09: 45 Minutes — A
2018.05.10: 50 Minutes — A
2018.05.14: 50 Minutes — A
2018.05.15: 52 Minutes — A
2018.05.16: 50 Minutes — A
2018.05.18: 50 Minutes — A

I find that these delayed times and packed trains are a combination of a lot of things. First of all, the MTA (and the New York Governor who controls MTA funding) has reduced the number of trains. Top that with the increased number of people moving to the outer boroughs (I’ll save the rant of new high rises, urban displacement, and gentrification for later), there are simply not enough trains and money to accommodate suitable transportation in Brooklyn. God knows I don’t enjoy the yearly subway fare hikes, but that money seems misused if they decide to reduce the number of trains running throughout New York.

I’ve also noticed that the MTA relies on a century-old transit system. The express A train merges with the local C train after three stations and continues to be on one track for about 40% of my commute (I don’t get how the A train from Nostrand Avenue to 59th Street-Columbus Circle is “express” if it’s only 5 less stops than the C train). Once I get past 42 Street in Manhattan, the A then merges with the same track as the D train. Usually, I’ve noticed, it takes me 15 minutes to get from 42nd Street to Columbus Circle; the A train just stops between the 17 blocks between 42nd and 59th, and I see two to three local trains whiz by on the adjacent track. The way I see it: the A train shares the same track as the C train (and the C train later shares the same track as the E train and B train). The D train shares the same set of tracks as the F, B, and M trains. If there’s one problem (say a signal malfunction, stalled train, or sick passenger) on any of these trains, my commute is affected. It’s train traffic at its worst.

Lastly, and I think this is the bane of every New Yorker’s existence: signal problems. All of the MTA’s train traffic runs on a signal system implemented in the 90’s, as a result of this train crash. Although it’s meant to protect the safety of commuters, the signal system has been plagued with numerous problems lately. It’s a system almost 3o years old now, and if there’s a minor problem with a signal (which nowadays is prone to malfunctions), then all train traffic along the affected line stands to a halt.

I’m not too certain if there’s an immediate solution to these problems, but if the New York State is going to annually increase my subway fare and extend my commute to double its time, I’d like the MTA to be less vague about subway delays and more transparent with what they’re doing with our money. Otherwise, I’ll just be continue to be habitually stressed out and rant about it.