Phillip Retuta's Blog

The Life and Times of a Filipino-American

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Happy Birthday, Nico.

I’ve lived in New York for over a decade, and that entire time my dog Nico has been with me. She would have been 14 today.

Here’s my tribute to her and the city I love. After she had her tumor removed and was declared cancer-free, I knew we were still together on borrowed time. Throughout the course of her remaining year, I wanted to take Nico to some of her favorite spots: Williamsburg, Prospect Park, and all the old places she used to know for the 10 years we’ve been in New York. I also wanted to take her to places she’s never been before: Coney Island, Washington Square Park, etc. I’d bring my camera with me, and so this video was made.

The polaroid scenes were obviously taken post her passing; I truly wished we had more time to visit these places.

The significance of the white bandana is important: I gave it to her when she was first adopted in Urbana-Champaign, and she wore a white bandana when I let her go in arms, in the confines of my apartment in Brooklyn. A white bandana was Nico’s signature look (well, aside from the husky aspects or the heterochromatic eyes). I carried a spare each time we went out to shoot, just to swap whatever fashionable bandana I initially put on her with a white one. Consistency, folks!

This video also serves as my eventual love letter to New York. When I leave, I want to remember this city with the dog I loved so much. Being with Nico definitely helped shape who I am today.

Happy Birthday, Nico. Always and forever.

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The 365 Day Project.

The new 365 Day Project.

If you know me, I’ve been taking a photo a day for the past 12 years. This project was inspired by Jamie Livingston, who took a polaroid every single day from 1979 till he succumbed to cancer in 1997 (his last photo is him deceased in a hospital room). Jamie left behind a legacy in photographs, and I genuinely want to do the same — to take the summation of my day, the most interesting photograph (no matter how nice or joyous or sad) and post it online. My project was first on Flickr, but with the advent of good cameras on smartphones and the simplicity of Instagram, I began publicly posting the photos on social media as “The 365 Day Project” under the account name “retuta365.”

A few months ago, a friend asked me to remove a photo from my “retuta365” account on Instagram. I thought about it, and decided to make that account private. I’ve worked on this project for over a decade, and I had to decide whether me or other people have to the right to direct my work. Who should dictate how I need to express myself? Who, but me — the owner of a very personal project — should say what will be in my visual legacy? Who’s to judge what content is special or meaningful to me? The 365 Day Project is very much like a diary or journal, and for the most part, should be kept in private.

Still, the narcissistic artist in me likes a little attention, or at least the knowledge that my work exists somewhere in the public ether — especially when I’m long gone. I decided to create a brand new page, accessible if you try and find it, and far removed from ubiquitous, in-your-face nature of an open social media feed. The 365 Day Project is there, but for the average internet user there are several clicks for you to discover its location.

So, if you’re reading this and need to find it, or want to learn more about who I am, here’s Phillip Retuta’s 365 Day Project. Every day, I’ll continue to post a photo, to add one more mark of evidence that I lived, that I existed.

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Finding Balance and Creativity While Being Alone.

I think I’m beginning to find a sense of balance in my life. Ever since moving into the new place and settling down, I’ve found that I’ve appropriately managed my time between work, my personal well-being, and my social life. When you’re on your own and living by yourself, you don’t have to worry about cleaning after yourself or roommates and can easily ignore a call or text from a friend or family member. You can sit in absolute silence, blast Broken Social Scene on your speakers, or constantly watch The Simpsons without any concern that your preferences or actions or words have any consequence to someone else. The space (both physical space and personal space) is entirely yours, and your use of your time is unrestricted. You can eat when you want to eat, wash the dishes whenever (but it also helps to have a dishwasher), and you can clean whenever you damn well please — midnight, a few minutes after dinner, only on weekends, never? Anytime! It’s up to me!

After the move, I’ve found myself working on my personal projects a lot more — writing in this blog, for instance, or improving my photography skills. Sure, I’m living a solitary life of routine by going to work, coming home, sleeping and then going back to work, but I’ve managed to squeeze in a few hours each day devoted to a creative project: cook something new, storyboard a short video, read a book. As one of those fucking creative types, when you’re alone and there’s no one to talk to (yes, there’s my dog, but she doesn’t speak English), you find yourself focusing on an activity. You’re not distracted by anything or anyone, and on my endless quest for self-improvement, I always want to make something new. This time, however, I can do it anywhere or at anytime; I have a large enough space in my new apartment to set up a photo shoot. I don’t have to worry about interrupting a tennis game on TV while I record a video. I can smoke up the entire apartment with bacon — freedom like that.

Believe me, I enjoy the company of roommates — especially my last ones with Brian and Morgan — but if there’s one thing I cherish more, it’s me-time. It’s being alone. It’s that moment of selfishness of being who you are — all your follies, eccentricities, talents, and desires — out in the open without worry or hesitation. I lived my entire life under the expectations of other people, but as a functioning, independent adult with a sense of creativity I need that me-time.

I remember my senior year of undergrad, where I was finally living by myself in Urbana-Champaign. I solely concentrated on my studies, and I managed to return onto the Dean’s List after my grades faltered my sophomore year. I pulled myself out of the dark place I was at — even when I was constantly surrounded by friends and family — and graduated with honors all by myself. No distractions, no drinking at weird house parties, no family member nagging me.

Now, at 34, I got a good job, a good dog, and a desire to produce visuals. Yes, I’m alone now, but I finally think I’m happy with the direction of my life is heading towards. It feels balanced.

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Experimenting with Lighting.

It’s my goal to always strive for interesting and therefore better work, so I’m trying to teach myself basic lighting techniques. In other words, I decided to step up both my photography and videography skills by playing with light in ways I haven’t done before (you can thank the editors and cinematographers at Corridor). I figured that:

  1. It’d make me a better designer/artist/art director.
  2. I can create better content for both my personal Instagram and Nico’s account.

Naturally, none of this came cheap: I bought an LED panel mount to better light my videos, a reflector, and a barn door with a variety of colored gel filters to try out different cinematic effects in my photography. I even found a good tutorial online that demonstrates where lights should be placed in order to get a particular look. It helped that I Googled “edge light” and how light can bounce off parts of a face or object, though most of the tutorials were subsequently implemented on portraits of my pet.

All in all, I’m very satisfied with the results thus far, and it’s easier to light a subject than I first imagined (it beats editing lights and effects in Photoshop or post-production). If only set up and clean up of the equipment — lights, filters, backdrops, and stands — wasn’t so cumbersome, but that’s just me being goddamned lazy.

Ultimately, it’s my goal to start using these techniques on human portraiture rather than my fucking dog. I still have a hell of a lot to learn, but you can see what I did here: