Phillip Retuta's Blog

The Life and Times of a Filipino-American

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Finding Balance and Creativity While Being Alone.

I think I’m beginning to find a sense of balance in my life. Ever since moving into the new place and settling down, I’ve found that I’ve appropriately managed my time between work, my personal well-being, and my social life. When you’re on your own and living by yourself, you don’t have to worry about cleaning after yourself or roommates and can easily ignore a call or text from a friend or family member. You can sit in absolute silence, blast Broken Social Scene on your speakers, or constantly watch The Simpsons without any concern that your preferences or actions or words have any consequence to someone else. The space (both physical space and personal space) is entirely yours, and your use of your time is unrestricted. You can eat when you want to eat, wash the dishes whenever (but it also helps to have a dishwasher), and you can clean whenever you damn well please — midnight, a few minutes after dinner, only on weekends, never? Anytime! It’s up to me!

After the move, I’ve found myself working on my personal projects a lot more — writing in this blog, for instance, or improving my photography skills. Sure, I’m living a solitary life of routine by going to work, coming home, sleeping and then going back to work, but I’ve managed to squeeze in a few hours each day devoted to a creative project: cook something new, storyboard a short video, read a book. As one of those fucking creative types, when you’re alone and there’s no one to talk to (yes, there’s my dog, but she doesn’t speak English), you find yourself focusing on an activity. You’re not distracted by anything or anyone, and on my endless quest for self-improvement, I always want to make something new. This time, however, I can do it anywhere or at anytime; I have a large enough space in my new apartment to set up a photo shoot. I don’t have to worry about interrupting a tennis game on TV while I record a video. I can smoke up the entire apartment with bacon — freedom like that.

Believe me, I enjoy the company of roommates — especially my last ones with Brian and Morgan — but if there’s one thing I cherish more, it’s me-time. It’s being alone. It’s that moment of selfishness of being who you are — all your follies, eccentricities, talents, and desires — out in the open without worry or hesitation. I lived my entire life under the expectations of other people, but as a functioning, independent adult with a sense of creativity I need that me-time.

I remember my senior year of undergrad, where I was finally living by myself in Urbana-Champaign. I solely concentrated on my studies, and I managed to return onto the Dean’s List after my grades faltered my sophomore year. I pulled myself out of the dark place I was at — even when I was constantly surrounded by friends and family — and graduated with honors all by myself. No distractions, no drinking at weird house parties, no family member nagging me.

Now, at 34, I got a good job, a good dog, and a desire to produce visuals. Yes, I’m alone now, but I finally think I’m happy with the direction of my life is heading towards. It feels balanced.

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Liz and Carolina’s Wedding.

Yesterday was the official wedding of my friends, Liz and Carolina. They’ve been together long before I met them in 2011, and I wondered when the hell they were going to get married. And they’ve been through a lot: the launching of their respective art careers, the terrace barbecues at Gino and Monica’s, the sudden loss of Carolina’s son, and even the opening of their very own gallery in Bushwick. Those two were destined to be together through thick and thin.

The wedding itself was ideal: a ceremony outside, a procession accompanied by an a cappella version of The Chemical Brothers’ “Snow,” Carolina’s daughter Acacia singing Bruno Mars during their vows, personalized crystals and artwork to each guest, no seating arrangements (a perk to having to be forced to sit with people you don’t know, and a perk to any couple not worrying about grouping their guests), and a taco buffet catered by Dos Toros — Liz and Carolina’s nuptials was something that I’d only to aspire to imitate. Seriously, there was so much heart and carefree-ness to the entire affair, their wedding was one of the best weddings I’ve been to. It was a fucking party.

And now for the photos:

Congrats Liz and Lina!

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Camping on Forked Lake, the Adirondacks.

A few weekends ago I went camping. I took Nico, met up with the Scott and Ann Marie (and their pup, Sebastian), and drove upstate to join my roommates and other friends to spend a long summer weekend on a lake.

The campsite, Forked Lake, is situated around a cluster of lakes in the Adirondacks. During the three days that I was there, me and my group of 11 (plus two dogs) were completely isolated from everything — electricity, modern bathrooms, and even cellphone service. It was a nice break from technology, and I didn’t have to worry about work emails or talking to my family or the occasional spam email for my Bed Bath and Beyond 20% off coupon (I’m moving, after all, and I need new stuff at a discounted price). My only worry would be the nest spiders in the outhouse and them crawling on me as I pooped in a simple hole in the ground.

It was about a 7-minute hike from the parking lot to the forested campsite, and because we arrived at night, we initially got lost in the pitch-black wilderness. Using the flashlights on our near-depleted cellphones and following the muddy trails, we found our campsite by discovering the lone bear locker.

We pitched our tents in the darkness and unpacked for the long weekend: I had prepped food for an immense and otherwise fantastic breakfast the following Saturday, so I brought two coolers and cooked on the stone stove situated directly across the water.

I also brought a 4-person tent, but considering I’m alone and hopelessly single, it was just my dog and me occupying the spacious insides and living like royalty. We also had a picnic table on our grounds, and for whatever was going on inside her tiny, dog-brain, Nico decided to dig an entire hole underneath. For the majority of our time there, Nico was perched inside the hole; her little head poking out.

I wanted this camping trip to be a weekend to relax and not focus on moving out of my apartment or work or family. I succeeded in that respect. I also wanted to take some great photography shots, and even though I was able to produce some great images with my cellphone, I had a hiccup with my DSLR. You see, I figured I can get some cool shots of the wooded area and my dog on the lake. With my cell in my shorts’ pockets and my camera in hand, Scott and I took Nico and placed ourselves in a canoe. After launching only a few feet away from the shore, Nico decided to jump off the canoe. This, of course, destabilized the entire vessel, and we all tipped over into the water. My camera and my phone were only submerged for only a few seconds, but water did get inside each device. My phone ultimately survived, but my camera was less fortunate: even though it’s a freshwater lake and I let it dry out completely, my DSLR won’t take video and its preview screen refuses to turn on. The situation sucked, because I mainly used my camera to produce videos every other week. Overall, it’s a minor financial setback ($400 for a new body on eBay), but I wasn’t too upset. I did learn a valuable lesson: Nico hates boats.

Camera aside, camping was what I needed during these last few weeks of summer. I needed to get away from the city, from responsibility, from cloud and Wi-Fi based technology. I give you respect, Nature; you’re cool.

Photos:

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A Search For A New Apartment.

It’s an end of an era: for the past 6 years, I’ve called my apartment in Crown Heights, Brooklyn my home. Now, with our lease ending at the end of July, Morgan, Brian, and myself are parting separate ways.

Today, my real estate agent friend Brett showed me a few apartments in the Crown Heights area — just a few blocks from my current place. I saw three of them, but I wasn’t impressed. He suddenly received a call from his manager about a new, yet-to-be listed apartment in the Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn. The building lies directly north of the Crown Heights border, a couple blocks from Atlantic Avenue and 8 blocks from my apartment. Brett called its current tenants, and they allowed us to see the 1-bedroom unit on such a short notice.

As soon as I stepped in, I knew this was the place for me: exposed bricks, a spacious living room with an alcove I could use as a studio, a bedroom larger than mine, a dishwasher, and — what sealed the deal — my own private backyard.

After leaving the apartment, I immediately submitted a deposit. Yes, it’ll take a lot of work (and money) to get the place to my liking, but I’ll make it work. Check out the pictures:

See you in August, New Home!